Communication is not just about talking. Just like rests being important among the played musical notes needed to create a performance, the role of listening is equally if not more important than speaking. Respected and effective leaders understand how active listening improves your leadership.
So, what is active listening? Let’s consider a “leader” who is neglecting this valuable part of their responsibility.
Nancy reported to her boss Kimberly. In 1:1 meetings with Kimberly, while sharing her personal findings and personal objectives, Nancy got frustrated that Kimberly frequently checked her phone and appeared to be mentally disengaged. When Kimberly spoke to Nancy, it was not a conversation but direct commands. Kimberly also used unrelated, confusing questions to belittle her subordinates and keep them humble.
She provided ideas at team meetings but others often got the credit. She was eager to do well and wanted her boss to see her potential. Eventually, Nancy resigned and moved to a position where she was promoted to a director role after a few successful months.
Did Nancy feel heard, valued, or respected as an employee? When she was treated like this, there were several consequences:
- Nancy’s ambition and enthusiasm left the company months before she physically departed the company.
- Kimberly missed out on the opportunity to recognize, guide, and develop Nancy toward higher contribution and success.
- Kimberly also failed to grow herself to the highest form of a leader, the kind who cultivates other leaders.
The regular practice of active listening improves your leadership
For the leader, the hardest step is likely removing their personal agenda and ambition from the conversation. It takes a confident person to suspend their own pre-conceived ideas. But this is the most important step for active listening.
In improv comedy, a good performer must take in what the other person is bringing to them. They note their partner’s posture, the situation they are setting up, and the way they start the scene before forming their response. When well done, the listener enters the scene without bias or their own plan to change the scene. They take this material presented and extend the situation, offering back a supporting action.
This also works among peers. That first step of taking in everything that is being said, the way a person says it, and then thoughtfully crafting a quality response is leadership at its core.
When a person feels heard, trust is built. With trust, the opportunity to influence and grow opens up.
It takes a confident person to suspend their own pre-conceived ideas.
While the person is speaking, the listener should carefully focus, avoiding internal and external distractions. Even before the meeting begins, the leader may take a moment to clear away distractions like phones, close laptops, and put a pin in other concerns that are unrelated.
Don’t stare. Engage in the active listening process
While the person is talking, you can encourage them throughout their speaking through head nods, small sounds like “yeah”, and “hmmm”, and facial expressions.
When the speaker has finished their statement, the active listener should restate or paraphrase what was said as a confirmation. “Let me see if I got what you’re saying…” is a good way to begin. This shows the speaker that you fully understood what they said and invites them to adjust if there is subtle confusion. Valuable details can be uncovered like this when trying to work through a conflict or a negotiation.
Let’s rewind our story and include active listening this time
In addition to making her employee Nancy feel like her effort and ideas are valued when Kimberly used active listening, she also opens new levels of improved teamwork.
Like an improv routine that is going well, a team who has trust and collectively exercises active listening reaches an ideal flow state. Each team member feels it is safe to share ideas generously. Feedback exchanges and ideas are refined and improved. The leader of a team that is operating like this can be proud of what is happening and work to protect and feed this ongoing chain reaction of value production.